the neverlands

life is a cheesecake. a study.

B recently found out about an (old?) hungarian expression which basically translates to “life is a cheesecake”. having little to no knowledge of hungarian language and folklore, we will try, by means of this blog post, to analyze the implications of this statement and, if possible, to demonstrate its validity.
because, here in the neverlands, we tend to believe that life is indeed a cheesecake.

before we begin, it’s safer to assume that the author doesn’t have much experience with either of the notions. she was granted however, at least one attempt at each of them during her previous studies. and while research is still ongoing on the life part, the cheesecake has proven to be a successful experiment and definitely worth further investigation.

now, after a thorough exploration of publications treating the current subject, we managed to extract three major ideas:

one young icelandic researcher created an extended model of the aforementioned claim. the new “life is a cheesecake – eat until you puke” model seems to state that life, or better yet, too much life can be intoxicating. but since you can’t really throw away perfectly good cheesecake, and only a very small number of individuals will actually try to stop living, intoxication is an expected side-affect. the majority of the population will probably settle for nausea, which still means you’re on the right track and big things are happening (feel free to consult previous work on this topic).

another distinguished colleague took on a more practical approach - she put together a cake with all the inherent cheesecake properties, but with the additional “hello panda” biscuits on top. the results of her experiment are still highly controversial and including the japanese biscuits into the formula opened a whole new line of study.

perhaps the most complete work so far started from the “life is like a box of chocolates” postulate and continued with a thoughtful comparison of the two models. the main conclusion was that since cheesecake aims at being more than chocolate and chocolate never aims at being more than cheesecake, we can safely say that life is more than a box a chocolates. which also means that life is less about randomness and more about tasty treats than we might have thought.

also, life tastes a lot better with chocolate sprinkles on top.

contrary to popular belief, the eskimos don’t have that many words for snow

the best part of having an imaginary country is you can bring it along on long trips where the scenery is ever changing and still feel at home no matter where you are. this is probably the reason why geography is considered one of the most mystical subjects one can study in the neverlands.

the worst part of having an imaginary country to carry around with you is that it’s easy to misplace and most people will confuse it for a pile of leaves they sweep away. whenever such a catastrophe happens, everything stops and enormous effort is put into restoring all the imaginary buildings that hold good memories, happiness reserves and hope deposits.  

the best part of having an imaginary country is that you can identify its inhabitants by random things like the color of their feet instead of social security numbers. this way, no matter how quiet they get or how far away they run, you’ll still be able to see spot them in large crowds and know that they are yours.

i email myself constantly

the infinite possibilities each day holds should stagger the mind. the sheer number of experiences i could have is uncountable, breathtaking, and i’m sitting here refreshing my inbox. we live trapped in loops, reliving a few days over and over, and we envision only a handful of paths laid out ahead of us. we see the same things each day, we respond the same way, we think the same thoughts, each day a slight variation of the last, every moment smoothly following the gentle curves of societal norms. we act like if we just get through today, tomorrow our dreams will come back to us.

[slight variation of the source]  

i recognize that tree

“we’ve been here before” - B thought to herself as she anxiously looked down. 

although running in circles might have been considered fun at a certain point, that’s not what B wanted when she found herself back. yet here she is, ready and almost willing to do it all over again.

B played by the rules for a little while, until she realized that everybody else is just as clueless. luckily, the neverlands only have a couple of rules and most of them are about which flavours of icecream one can eat depending on the season and phase of the moon.

on a totally unrelated note, B likes 2011. it’s nice and prime. and everything’s different.

fonts don’t count

oridecâteori B e confuză sau nehotărâtă, cea mai simplă soluţie e să rupă bucăţile din ea care nu au prea mult sens şi să le modeleze în monştri mici care abia aşteaptă să o ia la goană prin neverland.
 
astfel s-au născut creaturi ciudate care lustruiesc tot în jur şi aruncă orice lucru care le-ar putea aminti de ziua precedentă pentru a face loc viitorului. sau creaturi care rămân blocate pe un munte de amintiri, doar pentru că nu au putut arunca niciuna.
 
în colţurile mai îndepărtate au fost alungaţi monştrii gălăgioşi, care strigă încontinuu toate lucrurile pe care B ar fi vrut să le spună, dar nu a avut curaj sau pur şi simplu s-a gândit prea târziu la ele. prin aer se învârt avioane în căutarea unor destinaţii la care B nu a ajuns niciodată, iar când în când, câte un nor refuză să mai fie personaj negativ aşa că toarnă veşti bune în capul tuturor.

sic transit gloria monday

disclaimer: this post was actually written as source code comments in a desperate attempt to hang on to the idea, yet still appear busy enough to prevent people from questioning my work ethics.

that being said, my dear neverlanders, we have gathered here today to celebrate the most average of days. oh yes,  days that almost go unnoticed, but still throw around random bits of happiness. days when things are not quite as they should be, but they’re good enough. days that keep you smiling.

may you have just enough of them :)

galaxies galore

there’s a strange, little man living in B’s attic. she lets him stay there because, at the beginning, he used to break wonderful holes in the ceiling, which let all the spectacular skies inside [and everybody knows the skies make great guests]

the only problem is, whenever someone or something would scare the strange, little man in B’s attic, he’d turn on all the lights. which meant B had to face all the mess and the monsters hiding in dark corners.

so please tread carefully around B these days. there’s a strange, little man living in her attic that dreads loud noises and bad news.

detox

there’s a special kind of creature in the neverlands that loves to walk. it walks on dozens of roads everyday, completely disregarding all the big metal monsters that swoosh by, carrying other people to other places. this particular creature was convinced that walking was the only way it could discipline its rather wonderous mind. whenever it started to walk, all the thoughts that usually ran hectically around stood still. whenever it started to walk, things got quiet. the world simplified.

on the day the clouds appeared, the creature walking home realised it was nauseous. it slowed down and tried hard to grasp this unexpected sensation. [you should know that all through the neverlands, people were trying long and hard to embrace the  nausea. it usually meant that something very good or very bad was about to happen. either way, something very big. and change is good, no matter how many times it leaves you standing lost in the rain. isn’t it? ]  the creature that loves to walk took a deep breath and went on its way, oblivious to the fact that a tiny disrespectful thought broke the silence and flew away.

a few hours later, it happened.

there is no spoon

Morpheus walks in.

MORPHEUS: How is she?

Tank looks at his watch, rubs his eyes.

TANK: Ten hours straight. She's a machine.

B's body spasms and relaxes as her eyes open, breath hissing from her lips. 
She looks at Morpheus.

B: I know EJB.